Genetically I’m a biracial woman….
So please hear me as I share this with the utmost transparency…..
Many times in my life I have wondered how it feels to be a white person, especially when I was little. But no matter how many times I tried I could not then and cannot now feel any whiteness.
I’ve never denounced that part of my genetic make up but as a teen and as a woman in America I have only felt my blackness.
Society labeled me and treated me as such from as early as I can remember. I think kindergarten is when it was confirmed for me that I was indeed a little black girl. I think 2nd grade is when my mother was forced to understand that she was raising a little black girl when Mrs Naumann dug her claws into my arm.
Although I love my mother and my white family members I always knew and felt I was different. Not because of how they treated me but I just inherently knew it. I could see I wasn’t the same. I could see I had darker skin, albeit light not white. I had different hair. I could see how people looked at me and looked at my mom….. we didn’t match. I didn’t fit. I was different.
I even asked my mother several times if she had adopted me because I could not feel the white parts of me.
But when I was around my black family members… I felt like I belonged. Everything about that side of me felt comfortable it felt normal and I didn’t feel out of place. Not because they did any thing different. The oneness was inherent.
It took me a while to understand why they felt different. My blackness did not make me feel as if I had to sacrifice my whiteness to be black. But to be white, well…. I would have to somehow sacrifice my blackness, which was never an option even if I had wanted it to be because of my beautiful brown skin and curly hair.I am and have always been a little black girl inside and out nothing will ever change that. As an adult I love being a reslient, intelligent black woman inside and out and nothing will ever change that.
I value my experiences as both a black woman and as a biracial woman. Still today I have no experiences or frame of reference to comprehend what it feels like to be a white woman.I share this to help my white friends, family, and followers understand this simple point…
If I can’t fathom what it feels like to be a white person in America, when that comprises half of my DNA … then certainly no one expects you to know what it feels like to be a black person in America.So just like I had to learn to understand both sides that’s all one can expect from you. To be open to understanding something even though you can’t possibly fathom what it feels like. To that point, because you can’t fathom what it feels like, you must resist any and all urges to tell us how we should feel, think, believe or respond.
* Just be open to learn.
* Take it upon yourself to begin digging into the real history, not the stuff they wanted you to learn. (We have the internet now you dont have to use the encyclopedia anymore so there is no excuse)
* Challenge yourself to unlearn and detach from some outdated belief systems to make room for the evidence of some new truths.
* Acknowledge the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach when something feels wrong but you don’t know why.
*Resist the urge to stuff it back down because it feels less scary hidden away.
* Use the privilege that you have, of not having to have known the pains and frustrations to help make the necessary changes.Your voices for change will speak volumes. Just as indifference and silence will also speak loudly.It’s your voice and your choice.
You may be able to reach ears that are resistant to black voices.
Every day you wake up and get to decide what want your message is going to be.
Love and Light