Well, it’s that time of the year again. It is time for us all to say good-bye to what was and open our hearts and minds up to what is yet to come. For me this is my personal time for reflection. It’s time for my annual letter to my inner self.
For me, 2020 has been a year of adjustments, re-calibrations and gut wrenching reminders. I can’t really classify the year as either good or bad, but it was definitely a year of many firsts. The past 12 months has seen me through love, loss, happiness, sadness, anger, heartbreak and another cross country move. It started off pretty rough with a brief hospital stay the first week of January, which I have since come to believe was actually one of the first cases of COVID, but it was before we knew about COVID so, who really knows or cares. Point is, regardless if I give it a label or not, it was the 2nd time in my life thus far that I questioned if there would be a tomorrow for me. I survived it! But I had to ask myself in light of the experience, am I living my life in a way that if today was the end, I would be happy about how I had invested my time here. My answer, kinda sort of, but not really. I know I can do better and there is still work left for me to do. I grew a lot emotionally and spiritually in 2020 with still a lot of room for improvement in 2021.
So, as I reflect on my experience this year this is what I would like to say to the woman inside of me:
You did it again lady! You followed your heart, you allowed yourself to move in accordance with your own intuition. You didn’t back down when people said you were crazy, you went anyway! Although you didn’t harvest all that you had hoped, you didn’t allow the doubters and the naysayers to speak their fears into your decisions. You did you and lived your CUSTOM FITTED LIFE boo! You said at the onset that that you would rather GO and KNOW than stay and wonder, and you did that shit Queen. Trusting your instincts has always been hard for you, but you’re exercising that gut muscle and I’m proud of you for that. You’re getting better at walking away unapologetically and giving yourself the closure, you need with or without explanations, admissions or apologies from the other party. That’s big growth!
You invested the time to really decide what you need and want in love and life. You gave people chances that didn’t quite work out, but you didn’t settle for “less than” like you once would have and that’s huge! You also made some great memories along the way which you can look back on and take joy in. You stayed true to soul. Regardless of what you got back; you gave the best of yourself. You should be proud of that. You give love not on condition of reciprocation, I like that about you. We just gotta do better about the selection process.
You learned that people often over promise and under deliver. Sometimes with the best of intentions, but they just don’t have what it takes to bring about what they have offered. It sucks but don’t stop believing because one day, someone will come along and make good on all the broken promises of the ones before him and you will need your open mind and open heart to receive him. That ONE will get the best of you on a full tank, loving him from your overflow and you will see that every perceived misstep along the way will have been a step in the right direction. You won’t regret it girl. I promise!
You made amends with some people who disappointed you and hurt you in the past. They may have thought it was for them and others may have thought it was about you being the bigger person, it was neither, but that’s fine. You and I know that it was about freeing your spirit and conserving energy, that is an important distinction but not everyone can understand that. Each of us only has so much energy to expend so any that you expend on anger, resentment, frustration, guilt, or darkness, cannot be invested in love, joy, happiness or light. You did what you did to restore your reserves. Again, someone will come along and he will be the benefactor not only of your love but also of your wisdom, so kudos babe!
You learned what a Pandemic really looked like after 15+ years of disaster recovery planning and it sucks. Social distancing became a thing and a whole lot of people were forced to invest time alone. Luckily, the introvert in you required little adaptation to your normal way of life. Ironically, it created an environment conducive to really learning the people you have around you. You were able to see how people really move. The plus side to that is you were able to forge some bonds and friendships that may have remained surface in any other circumstance. For that, be eternally grateful. The people in your inner circle are still there and still solid! Not everyone can say that about the people around them. You truly are blessed!
As a collective, we were all reminded that racism is also still very real and prevalent. George Floyd and Breonna Taylor showed us that police brutality is a real thing living threat to our communities. We were reminded that that just as it was 50 years ago injustice anywhere is a threat to justice every where. We lost over 200,000+ lives to an invisible airborne killer and several thousand more to racial and ethnic intolerance. We learned that protests CAN work! Our voices can be heard but sadly enough often not unless accompanied by a certain degree of force. Despite what some may think, BLACK LIVES STILL DO MATTER and we have a long way to go toward equality. We must be relentless in our pursuit.
The cultural and racial battles will continue on into the next year and beyond, but for me personally as a woman….. What do I need to work on in 2021?
The theme for 2021 will be MAKE ROOM.
I think for a long time you have been so focused on healing and helping others that you didn’t MAKE ROOM for others to be there for you. I know disappointment is real but stop trying to do everything by yourself and for yourself. You will never know how someone will show up unless you MAKE ROOM for them to have an opportunity to do so. You may be surprised toots. The horizon looks bright.
Personal inventory has highlighted several areas that need to be cut. As I said earlier, you only have so much energy, stop wasting it on people who have proven to be emotional vampires and bottomless pits. This will allow you to MAKE ROOM for the right ones, to step in, step up and shine. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
You’ve learned loud and clearly that people will send mixed signals and leave them in your hands to sort out. The time you waste sorting out those signals is wasting space that could be used to MAKE ROOM for people who shoot straight. You are old enough and wise enough to know that if someone wants you in their life, they will MAKE ROOM for you to be there. You won’t have to seek or sort to find your place.
Keeping it all the way 100, You bullshitted with your fitness and your nutrition for awhile now, that’s gotta stop! Clearing out some of the old baggage and tag-a-longs will MAKE ROOM for you to refocus on finding your passion for fitness again. NO EXCUSES JUST MAKE ROOM!!!!
All the studying you have done about manifestation and law of attraction don’t mean anything if you aren’t willing to walk the talk. You will never achieve what you don’t believe. MAKE ROOM for the universe to provide all the love, abundance and happiness your heart and hands can hold. You have earned that shit so go collect on it.
Stop playing small, stop procrastinating. Live large, live out loud. Let your voice be heard. MAKE ROOM in your world for YOU sis, stop waiting on someone else to make room for you in theirs.
MAKE ROOM to be your personal best! You never know who is watching and who is inspired by your smile!
Most of all MAKE ROOM for all the blessings you haven’t even thought of, but that God has ordained for you.
Stay flexible, stay open and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR and GO STEELERS!!!!!!
The girl with the hazel eyes, who’s finally ready to MAKE ROOM!