Dear Cam Newton ~ (open letter)

Dear Cam,

“Seriously dude?” That was my initial response to your disingenuous response to reporter Jourdan Rodrigue. Immediately followed by “What an asshole”.

However, the more I thought about it I had to take into account that I don’t know you from a hill of beans. Despite your outlandish behaviors you might well be a very nice person albeit one with a shitty way with words. I am truly hoping this is the case, although I’m pretty skeptical.

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Here’s the thing people make mistakes and they say things they didn’t mean. Unfortunately the world could tell by the smug look on your face you saw nothing wrong with the statement about “females”. I’m not sure if we all just took it wrong and really you are indeed just shitty with words or if you are as sexist and ego maniacal as the statement made you appear to be. Honestly Cam, I don’t really care either way.

However, this is what I do care about. It is important to me that you understand that she earned her right to be present at that interview room just as much as you did. You are a man, living in a man’s world, playing a man’s sport. She on the other hand is a WOMAN living in a man’s world, doing what historically has been a man’s job. To her, in her field, she has made it to the playoffs. Doing the job that many of her male counterparts I’m sure would love to have the opportunity to do. To that point, what you don’t know about the females that are out here crushing it non-traditional roles is that they also have to work two to three times as hard every single day for the OPPORTUNITY to be where they are. So to arrive and see the fruits of your efforts come to life then be insulted and dismissed by the likes of you and others who think like you do. That part saddens me. Not only that it is the reality of being a woman in society, but that there are guys like you who either don’t know or don’t care what women have to go through to be recognized.

Which brings me to my final point.

As odd as this may sound, I actually wanted to thank you for not apologizing to any of us and here is why.

I feel any apology would be adding insult to injury because I believe and I think many others would agree, that you are not sorry for what you said. Honestly, between you and I, I don’t think you intended any malice with your statement. I also believe that if no one had said anything, you would go on thinking how crazy it is that women can articulate intelligent questions about “routes”.  So peep this Cam, I don’t think anyone should apologize when they don’t genuinely believe that they have done anything wrong. Whether it is sexism or plain ignorance on your part, I don’t believe you are the least bit remorseful so kudos to you for not saying you are sorry when you aren’t.

But in true Cam fashion you even managed to botch this part too.  I have seen where you have already lost a major endorsement, so now your wallet wanted you to apologize and you obliged.  I guess whether you are genuinely sorry or not, is really neither here nor there because you are surely regretful by now. Too bad it is probably for the wrong reasons. Based on that, I withdraw my kudos and simply request that you just try to do better. No one expects you to be perfect we just don’t want you to be a shitty person!

In the meantime Cam think before you speak Welcome to Life On Marz!

 

 

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Dear Future Husband, I’m Just Checking In

Dear Future Husband,

I just wanted to check in. It’s been awhile I know. I’m still praying for you every day though. In fact, increasingly, I find myself hoping that my prayers and these letters are somehow finding their way to you and fantasizing that in turn, they are drawing you nearer to me. It comforts me in quiet times to think that my love and prayers somehow touch your soul. Sometimes, when I pray for you, I imagine that angels deliver the message to you on my behalf. You won’t know it’s me, but God knows where to send the angels to find you. My love, have you ever just randomly felt a warming tingle on the inside that makes you smile on the outside for what seems like no reason at all? I think that’s me calling out to you. 

Wanna know something funny? That’s one of the things I most want to ask you when we finally meet. I can’t wait to compare your story to mine about how we arrived in the same place, at the same time, in just the right moment to find each other amongst 7 billion other people. Still, I’m not intimidated. I know that I will know you when when we’re both ready. My biggest fear is that I’ll still be scared of giving all of me again. I don’t want to hold anything back with you. I guess that’s what all this preparation is about. I’m confident that God will have prepared you to ease any lingering apprehension that I might have. 

I just know that you will have this easy going demeanor and disarming smile. You probably won’t believe this, but I heard a laugh the other day that gave me that tingle and warm feeling. I smiled from the inside out at the sound.  I wondered if he was you. I wondered if that was the angels letting me know your near and that our time revelation is almost upon us. 

Anyways, I’m investing allot of time these days on seeking clarity to define exactly what love means to me.  I recognize that I also need to know how to strike harmony between my needs, your needs, and our needs. For instance, I am quite good at loving myself and putting myself first.  The problem with that is I am not so good at communicating to others reasons behind my choices. Mostly because as a single woman I don’t have to. In all honesty I kinda like that, however I know it will become a stumbling block for us long term so I need to seek a middle ground. I need to find a space that allows me freedom of expression, while honoring the confines of our union and affords you the power to lead.

Just know beloved I am not giving up. Recently, I’ve been sensing that you are actually near. We’re just not ready to be revealed. So in the meantime I will continue to pray for you just as hard as the first day. 

Lifetime of love and laughter waiting on you,

Your future wife.

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Ohhh So Noooww You Wanna Know Me

We all have people like this in our past. That pop up out of nowhere when they see you doing good. But was no where to be found when you needed a hand up. You know who they are. The ones who didn’t wanna really know you then.  Now they see you  happy and succeeding with the changes in your life and suddenly they wanna be your new BFF. This is what I would say to such a person from my past.

Number one… I don’t do do-overs. 

Number two….There was a time that if I was on fire I couldn’t have counted on you to offer me so much as a cup of water. You didn’t wanna  know me  then. You didn’t wanna take the time to know who I was or what I was about. You did not care to know how I arrived at the  place where our world’s intersected. You saw what you wanted to see. You tried to convince me of all of the things I could never be. It almost worked too.

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Number three…. Now when I look back,  I’m reminded of the times you refused to brace my fall. I remember those days and nights when I thought that I needed you, to be there so I could get back up.  You where never anywhere to be found. So I brushed off my knees,  treated my own wounds, dried my own tears, and got back up every single damn time, all by myself. As time went by, I was able to get back up a little faster each time, the cuts weren’t so deep, and eventually my tears began to dry on their own. 

Number Four….. Each stumble, trip, and fall taught some thing about you and some thing about me. I learned that the more unreliable you were, the more capable I became. It also taught me that you were really just an exercise God sent me to build up my own muscles. 

Number Five….. I never needed YOU! I needed FAITH. Faith in God, Faith in my abilities and FAITH that there is always something greater waiting on the other side of pain and disappointment!

So now when you see me on stage, read about me online, or your hear my name in a crowd, do what you do best. Stay silent and remain invisible. I know you may be tempted and  you might think to yourself, that you wanna know what I’m about now. You may be inclined to ping the DM or shoot me a text. My best advice to you is that you just on the sidelines, feel free to continue watching from a distance as you have become accustomed too because my happiness does not involve you. This is what I now know to be true. You didn’t wanna really know me then and now I no longer have the desire to know you. 

Names intentionally left out to protect the egotistic and ignorant.

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3 Steps To Taking Back Your MOJO After Failure

FAILURE BANNER

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 ,3, 2, 1 …… January 28, 1986. I remember the sounds of the countdown like it was yesterday. I was sitting in Coach K’s social studies class. What was supposed to be one of the proudest moments in American history, became one of the saddest. That was the day that the world sat watching as anticipation turned to horror when the Space Shuttle Challenger* burst into flames only seconds after liftoff.

Why do I bring something from over 30 years ago up? Because I was thinking about failures in our personal development and business growth. I was looking at my own successes and failures. Then I was thinking about some of the struggles my clients face overcoming their failures. So I asked myself, “What is one of the biggest failures of my lifetime?” “Was there recovery afterwards, and if so, HOW”?  That is when I remembered the Space Shuttle Challenger, because it was a once in a lifetime, potentially defining moment for not only NASA, but for the world. That event is one of the greatest “failures” that I could recall and literally THE WORLD was watching. Yet NASA’s space program remains an overall success.

7 people are dead. Can you get your MOJO back after that?

According to Wikipedia there have been 171 human Space flights conducted by the United States, More than China (6) and Russia (139) combined! In 2003 NASA failed again, with the whole world watching as the Space Shuttle Columbia** exploded upon re-entry into the earth’s atmosphere. Again, with 7 crew members on board.

14 people are deadHow do you ever get your MOJO back after that?

As I researched these two historical failures on the world stage these are the MOJO RECOVERY TECHNIQUES that I gleaned from NASA.

TAKING BACK YOUR MOJO

  1. Take the positive with the negative – Every time you try something that is outside of your comfort zone there is a risk. Some results will be good and some results will be bad. It is all part of the overall experience. We tend to allow ourselves to focus on and be paralyzed by the negative. This is particularly true, when our failures have been witnessed by others. It is all part of the process. NASA recognized that the Space Shuttle Program*** was still a history making endeavor.
  • Challenger flew the first American woman, African-American, Dutchman and Canadian into space.
  • Flew three Spacelab missions.
  • Was the first night launch and night landing of a Space Shuttle.
  • It was also the first space shuttle to be destroyed in an accident during a mission.

2.  Take time research where you went wrong – It is ok when you get it all the way wrong to set aside time to research the failure. Sometimes it is a simple tweak and sometimes it means an overhaul. In any case you have to keep your purpose top of mind. After each failure NASA suspended launches for over 2 years to do extensive research. It cost billions of dollars but that was an investment that had to be made for the greater good.

3. Take the lessons learned and change the game – Be objective in your assessments. Not every ideas is a good one, and more importantly it may not be the right one. There will be times when you take an ideas as far as it can go, you overcome obstacles, you keep making modifications and then finally realize that the game (idea) may well be right but the tools (how you have been playing) are ineffective. Ineffectiveness is a key component to failure but the refusal to stop and start over a whole new way is what paralyzes growth. NASA ended the Space Shuttle program in August, 2011. They did not end space exploration, they ended that program and decided to start over in a new direction. They have not launched a manned spacecraft into orbit since that time. Yet exploration and discovering more effective ways to explore continues.

In short, NASA continued to try, learn and fail, but they never quit. The Space Shuttle program ran from 1981-2011. Hundreds of successful missions, Two deadly failures in front of the entire world. The mission of space exploration was greater than the risks. Think about the MOJO factor, despite the failures of Challenger and Columbia, they were still able to find astronauts who were willing to take the risk with them. That is how you get your MOJO back. You keep going, knowing that the overall reward of achieving your purpose is worth the risks assumed along the way. Failure is part of the process whether anyone is watching or not. You can BANK ON IT!

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Shuttle_Challenger_disaster

**https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Shuttle_Columbia_disaster

***https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Shuttle_program

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Dear Future Husband, It’s Me Again,

Good morning love,

It’s been a while since I wrote. I just want you to know that just because I don’t see you, hear you, or awaken to your scent, in no way indicates your absence from my soul. 

Quite the opposite in fact. I still pray for you daily. I pray when I wake up that you’ve been blessed to see the dawn as well. I pray periodically throughout the day, that something made you laugh, someone made you smile. Admittedly sometimes I wish it was me.  I pray midday that you’ve eaten well and that the food has nourished your body so that your mind will be strong. I pray in the evening that God has spoken to you and that you sought time to be still. That type of stillness that will allow you listen without distraction.  In that moment of stillness I ask my father to guide your spirit according to his purpose and that yours and mine be divinely aligned. At night as I drift into slumber I pray your day was productive, your joy was overflowing and that one night, not long from now it will be the sound of your heartbeat that escorts me into prayer and soothes me through the night and into the next day.

Things are going wonderfully for me. I’ve removed one huge roadblock that was standing in our way. Yayyyy. Ohh and My new book is coming out in a few weeks, I wish you could be there to celebrate with me 😗.  I continue to pursue a higher purpose, its scary but exciting at the same time. I know that I’m just getting started. Faith has taught me that abundance surrounds me and my greatest self is yet to be discovered. 

I will be honest though,  it’s tough sometimes all alone. I have amazing friends, but it’s not quite the same. The life lesssons suck and you know I still do dumb stuff sometimes. Anyways,  I’m getting better at recognizing it sooner though, that’s progress😉.  I look for the take away from each lesson. I continue to gain new understanding of myself and I can’t wait till we finally meet. You will know.  I know the journey continues to prepare me to love wholly and our unity we will be the benefactor.

Well I didn’t want much else, just to let you know in advance that I love you and I’m thinking and praying for you as always. I’ll be here, remember I’m the girl with the Hazel eyes. You will know❤.

Till we meet one day,

Your Future Wife

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Happiness Unapologetically

Healing, growth and personal development are some of the most frightening but rewarding personal journeys you can set sail on. 
As women we tend to let life happen to us. In most cases, the major side effect is that we lose our own identities. We accept whats given to us without advocacy or complaint. We become what “they” expect without regard to our own feelings. 

Believe me when I tell you that it IS possible to reclaim your identity. You can achieve harmony and define what happiness is for you. 

 ​As a domestic violence survivor the biggest lesson I learned  on my healing journey is the significance of knowing who I am as an individual, a woman and a partner. Achieving clarity in those three aspects of life allows you the freedom to walk away from people, places and things when they no longer serve your greater good. 

Be confident about who you are and understand that most people will not be equipped for that reality.  Communicate your boundaries and be unapologetic about them. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you establish the boundaries that you do. However, it’s important that you understand your why so that you can stand firm when they are challenged. And they WILL BE CHALLENGED!!!

Fact is, your circle gets smaller as your vision becomes clearer. That’s because most people claim they want to be surrounded by strong women. One who knows who they are and what they want. That sounds good until they’re faced with what comes with that. Be prepared to say farewell because the majority won’t be mature enough to handle that relaity. 

Selling out to your happiness won’t be easy but it will be worth it!

As a speaker, author and advocate for women I work everyday to help women who feel lost, unfulfilled and alone reclaim their happiness.  They learn to build confidence by setting healthy boundaries and defending them without regret.

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Ego Vs. Love

I sat staring at this meme today for an extensive period of time. The sentiment resonated with me in the depths of my soul. It forced me to go to places from my past in my mind that honestly, I would have preferred to avoid.

I have learned that in order for me to grow  I have to accept my truths and look at the realities of my decisions through a lens of objectivity. Holding on to fear and refusing to face facts will hold me hostage to those experiences and I will run the risk of repeating past hurts.

As I recalled each of my exes beginning with the most recent and working my way backward, I discovered that they each entered in with EGO. I on the other hand, entered in with LOVE. Wow, what an aha moment. It is so clear in hindsight. How could I have not have seen it before?

For them, I looked good on paper. It was about what I could do for them. It was about what I brought to the table. It was about how their image improved based on their conquest. It was always about what they could get out of the relationship. I liken it to big game hunting. Every hunter wants to bring back the biggest kill and have the greatest story to tell to his buddies. The problem with that, I was the kill.

Conversely, I went in with LOVE. In each case I wanted nothing from them but mutual  love and respect. In each instance I knew upfront they had nothing monetarily to offer me. I could do that for myself. My driver was the emotional connection with someone. I signed up to build the kind of love that says “I got your back” and “When the world comes for you, I will  be your shelter”. Despite the differences, I believed this was possible each time. So I gave my all upfront. I don’t believe in holding back, after all life is short and we are meant to live it while we can. I thought that the love and commitment was mutual. I entered in believing that it was genuine and in it’s purity it would be be enough to sustain the relationship despite the dramatically different backgrounds and disparities of  resources.  

I realize now that what I tried to do was love them enough for both of us. Eventually I would see that it was one sided. By that time though, invariably , I had given so much that I was left feeling broken, both emotionally and financially. I gave till I had nothing left to give before I would allow myself the permission to end it. That methodology will always fail with the person who is EGO driven because the egomaniac places no value on love.

My last relationship however. I didn’t allow it to go that far. Fortunately I had learned from past mistakes. This time, I invested some time in reflection of the relationship. In doing so I  had to acknowledged that it was once again completely one sided. The difference the last time from all the times before. I didn’t question it, I didn’t try to figure it out and I certainly did not re-invest time and emotion trying to fix it. No, this time. I ended it.

Now today, I see he was EGO driven, I was love driven. I have identified the source of the disconnect. Now, going forward, I know what to be on the look out for. I just feel so grateful when I can take a bad situation, find the blessing in the mess and add a new tool to my happiness tool box!

 

 

 

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